My story about my dream to wear a white apron “like the doctors”
“Willpower is the most important thing in medicine.” – Paracelsus
I’ll never forget the first time I stood face to face with a patient. We were starting the practical part of the course and I thought to myself, “I’ve learned the theory, now all I have to do is dare to apply it”. The patient had a thyroid problem. What I had to do was take a history, question him about his condition and palpate the gland to find out what the changes were in its size and function. I was so excited I forgot to introduce myself. I felt like my heart was going to skip a beat. My throat had constricted and I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. Luckily for me, the patient was also a medical person, so he knew exactly what was happening to me. He was very responsive, the smile never left his face, and it just so happened that instead of me pre-empting him, he helped me relax and demonstrate what I had learned. At the end of the review I was completely relaxed and confident that I could cope. The history was taken, the gland palpated. I realised that everything so far had been completely worth it. There was no longer a shred of doubt that this was my calling.
I have been told that medicine is not a profession, it is a vocation. I am more and more convinced of the truth of this statement. Choosing the medical profession is a serious commitment, and committing to it is an even more responsible decision. Ever since I was a child, I have dreamed of being in a white coat “like the doctors” and helping people as they helped me before. I spent half of my childhood in the hospital because of frequent illness. And here I am, at the age of 21, already halfway to my own doctor’s office – this year (2021) I am graduating from my third year at the Medical University in Plovdiv. And before I enrolled in medicine, I heard a lot of hesitant voices about my career choice, mainly because girls in the Roma community are expected to get married and devote themselves entirely to their home. But my family stood by me, and my older brother looked at me and said, “This is a very difficult profession, but you can do it.”
My parents do not believe in the still prevailing notion in the Roma community that a girl should be a housewife and mother and nothing else. I was taught from a young age that a woman is equal to a man and her desires and ambitions are just as important. It was important to my parents that I choose my own life path. Of course, they will be extremely happy when I decide to be a wife and mother, but for now it is enough for my family that I am happy with my choice to study medicine. I am grateful for their support, as well as for the life motto that will is the greatest strength a person can possess. They continue to work tirelessly so that I do not have to worry about anything other than my education. Their hard work, as well as the scholarship program for Roma students of the Trust for Social Alternative, made my studies financially possible.
But despite this fortunate coincidence, my path was not an easy one. When you set high goals in a society that doesn’t understand your ambition, sometimes you feel in the middle of nowhere. On the one hand, I faced the prejudice of people of Bulgarian origin and not being accepted as one of them, and on the other, the patriarchal notions of the older part of the Roma community, for whom I was strange because I preferred to read and had no intention of getting married. When I started school, I expected to make a dozen friends, learn a lot of things and be happy. But when my classmates found out I was Roma, they shied away. I felt like the prejudice about our community was erasing all the good times we once shared.
I am happy to say that things have changed a lot since then, and I consider this a step in the right direction for our whole society. But it was hard for me to realize that I was not to blame for being different from other children and from conventional wisdom. Perhaps because of this I was a closed and shy child and it took me a long time to shake off my fear of interacting with new people and daring to express an opinion. But apparently I was born under a lucky star, because I ended up in the Role Models in Early Childhood internship program of the REIN network and it was there that I began to really make sense of my human mission and worth. And it was at university that I met the good friends who helped me overcome my worries. In time, I realised that my Roma background would not be an obstacle in these relationships. My colleagues accept me for who I am and challenge me to do my best. I felt in my place, I gained confidence in myself and it started to show. Those close to me say that just a few months at university have changed me beyond recognition. In fact, I learned there that believing in your abilities gives you a whole new outlook and makes you happier.
After the long preparation for the university entrance exams and the joyful news that I was accepted, in September 2018 I excitedly crossed the threshold of the university with the naive hope to almost immediately start treatment. I was very far from the truth. To be a doctor you need to know and be able to do many things. Before you even think of approaching a patient every single memorized topic has to pass through your mind so that you don’t harm the person across from you. The learning process is slow, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of that time. There are a lot of tests during the semester – at least once a month at first, and then it becomes weekly and even more frequent. The in-session exams are tough, with many topics and a huge amount of information. Every page of the textbooks has to be learned perfectly, because that is the biggest responsibility of a doctor – to do no harm. So I realized that wearing an apron is not only a wish come true, it’s an honor. Before every test, my colleagues and I spend long hours poring over textbooks. But for me, it’s a great pleasure because I know that with every sentence I learn, I’m one step closer to achieving my dream.
So begins my story. I hope it will inspire all those young people of Roma origin who have the desire to educate themselves. The only thing that can stop us is ourselves, our prejudices, self-limitations and fears. And life is waiting for us behind their door to gather the courage to open it and be our best selves. We can turn our dreams into reality, all it takes is the will. My dream is to become a pulmonary specialist. I know that I am just at the beginning of the road I have to travel, that there is still a lot to learn and serious choices to make. It won’t be easy, but I’m sure it will all be worth it when I one day take the Hippocratic Oath and don the white coat “like the doctors”.
